Monday, December 10, 2007

My freckles hold an awards ceremony before they hibernate for the winter.

It has been a great season of annoying Christine. Everybody worked hard as a TEAM and made the big plays. Onto the awards!

Most improved: Lower left cheek. You were under the radar for so long, this year you just kept improving and really proved to be a stand out annoyance.

Best Teamwork: Nose- cluster. You guys continue to impress us with your "eight-five as ONE" motto. Sometimes we couldn't tell where one of you ended and the next began. The true meaning of team.

Best attitude: Bottom lip. You were rarely seen, but we always knew you were there, encouraging the rest of us to pull through and upset.

Best comeback: Forehead cluster. After the devastating "Sloping bangs" incident of 2006, you were back, with a renewed vigor.

Sentimental Favorite: Upper lip cluster. Your "Mustache of Freckles" formation is an unmatched classic in bother and embarrassment.

Rookie of the year: Left knee. Where did you come from?

Best individual record: Neck. You're out there alone, but we can always count on you.

MVP: Right mid-cheek. Always there, always dependable, always exasperating.

Most-concerning: Sternum. You're bigger than you were last year, and will most likely need to be surgically removed from the squad. You'll always be with us in spirit.

Best performance by a group: Shoulder clusters, September 29. You guys really stepped it up for Erin's wedding. You're rarely shown, by when your time came, you rose to the challenge.

Special thanks:
the Sun, Ireland, and the Sun.

Despite Christine's constant berating of us, we stepped it up and proved that we are a force to be reckoned with. Even on the days when she tried to cover us, we found a way to shine through and make her look unsophisticatedly cutesy. We are all winners in the sense that she is a loser! Let's enjoy a well-deserved off season!

1 comment:

Josh said...

That is heinous. Left knee wins rookie of the year when right elbow had a .197 BAA, 8.7 K/SO, and a 165 ERA+ (!). Left knee checked in at .221 BAA, 4.5 K/SO and 142 ERA+ (same as right shoulder!). Those fuddy-duddy FWAA* writers have yet to adjust to new metrics of freckle performance.

(The above paragraph was pretty much a carbon copy of an email I sent to a friend in late 2005. You just have to replace "left knee" with "Bartolo Colon", "rookie of the year" with "Cy Young Award", "right elbow" with "Johan Santana" and "right shoulder" with "piddling Cleveland Indians hurler Paul Byrd")

*Freckle Writers Association of America